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While your teen undergoes this personal transition, he is rebelling against who he was (as a child) and who you are (his parents).
You will find the way you used to understand your child and resolve problems has drastically changed to the teenage rebellion you now face.
Many rebellious teens who have become drug addicts need to undergo teen drug rehab before their condition worsens.
Teen Rebellion and Parenting Responses by Susie Duffy, M.A.
Teenagers develop internal radar that zones in on things that irritate his parents.
Frustrated and confused parents react with predictable responses such as anger, reasoning and logic, helplessness, giving in and giving up.
The key to your sanity may be as easy as 1, 2, and 3.
1. Acknowledge and accept this is a transition
Acknowledge and accept this transition. Your teen is rebelling and is in search of his identity.
Acknowledge that this is a process. This means you don't have to like it or give in to his rebellion but are acknowledging that it is there.
Accept that your teen is uncomfortable in his own skin, has self-doubts and uncertainties and will act in inconsistent and unpredictable ways.
He will be unable to admit that he wants your help and advice and instead will push you away. By accepting and acknowledging this transition, you will be able to understand it is about him and his process and not a personal attack on you (even though it feels like it).
Understand that you can do no right in your teen's eyes. If you value a clean home, expect that your teen's room will be messy. If you value good manners and a positive attitude, expect your teen to be manner-less and negative.
If you value work ethic and education, your teen will probably be unmotivated and allow his grades to drop. Understand that it won't matter what position you take on an issue, your teen needs to go the other way to separate himself from you.
You cannot change what you cannot change.
You need food, water and must pay your taxes. You can't change these facts. You also can't change the fact that your teen is rebelling, it is his and he needs to get through it.
Don't fuel his rebellion by asking questions that get you nowhere such as "why can't you . . ." "what's the matter with you," etc. These questions are unanswerable and create a defensive response.
Maintain your parenting style with clear boundaries, limits, love and guidance.
You don't have to give in or give up the way you parent.
You do need to alter your expectations of your teen.
It doesn't matter if you don't approve of your teen's hairstyle/color, clothing or music, but within limits you can accept these changes and ease your way through your teen's rebellious phase.
Copyright 2002 Aspen Education Group